Thoughts at the end of an internship

For two months I haven‘t been writing because there hasn’t been anything exciting happening around me. To be honest, there still isn’t, but there soon will be (some travelling before coming back to Germany), plus I always have the urge to wrap things up before a major section of my life ends. In about a week, my internship and consequently my stay in Guangzhou ends, marking the 5^th time in 6 years I’m moving cities. To be sure, all this is of my own choosing, nobody forces me to haste from one place to another. But like most things in life, it comes with a trade-off, namely that apart from a few close friends, you feel like you’re out of touch with the people around you.

I talked about this with a good Chinese friend recently, who was living in Vienna, Manchester and London the last six years and just returned to her home country for her family and work. We agreed that leaving your comfort zone and living in places that are very different from your own can certainly make you a more reflective and ultimately better person, but it can also deprive you of your sense of belonging. I think in her case it’s a lot tougher, because not only was she gone for six years straight, she also left her home at a younger age, so “Western” culture had a bigger impact on her personality than Chinese culture would have on mine. Now she struggles to reintegrate into a society and a workplace that are nothing like the UK.

The practice of sending your kids away while still in high school is in fact more common than you’d think in wealthy Chinese families. Criticism of the brutal education system is not limited to foreign commentators. Chinese for the most part despise it too, but also acknowledge that there are no alternatives to rigorous standardized testing in order to evaluate millions of students annually without giving way to rampant corruption and cheating. As a result, many of those who can afford opt out by sending their kids abroad long before the feared “Gaokao” (equivalent to A-Levels or Abitur) to attend high school in Europe, Australia, Canada or the States. Since being a good parent is equated with giving your kids the best possible education for a successful career, the potential psychological effects of sending a teenager around the globe for years is usually a lesser consideration. I’ve heard quite a few stories of Chinese graduates who came back to their country after many years and felt isolated and alienated by a culture that often is at odds with what they experienced during their adolescence.

Compared to this kind of persistent alienation, my reverse culture shock will be harmless. But unlike the last two times I’ve been abroad for longer, it will definitely emerge in one way or another. One and a half years is a long time and China is a very different country. I remember that both times I was back to Germany briefly in the last 16 months, its tranquility and slow pace of life, even in Berlin, were quite shocking. I will probably be unable to spot any change in my hometown by the time I return. In the meanwhile, Beijing has opened a new airport, a new landmark skyscraper, a new financial hub, a new high-speed railway and the land next to my university that lay waste when I arrived is now a residential area with dozens of apartment towers.

The other major thing I’ll have to readapt to is, as strange as that sounds, being the average. I spent the last one and a half years with a crowd of Chinese, German, American, Ukrainian and other international people, all from very different backgrounds and in very different personal circumstances. Going back, I’ll be surrounded by people that look like me, have a similar background and speak my mother tongue. Should feel familiar, but I guess familiar is what you’re used and if you’re used to an environment that is not predominantly German or even European, going back to that does feel unnatural first.

Personal thoughts aside, before I’m heading into an unbeknownst future in Germany (Graduate program? Where? What to do until then?), I’m gonna have some fun in Asia. And by fun I mean going to Taiwan yet another time because honestly there’s no better place. In addition, because Taiwan holds its presidential elections on the 11^th of January and does not allow postal voting, most of my local friends are going to return as well from their second homes abroad to cast their ballots. Other stops in my last few weeks here include Hainan (surfing on Christmas all by myself – would be sad if I actually was in the mood for Christmas but that does not arise in China), Hongkong to see a friend and ultimately Beijing because well, this is where it all started and for some reason one-way flights from there to Europe are 200€ cheaper and include a second piece of luggage. I should have enough time to write one or two posts during this brief journey. And then, on the 17^th of January, when the snow slush on the streets takes on the same color as the sky from the exhaust of the many cars people use to get everywhere because the weather is so grisly nobody steps outside if they don’t have to – that time of the year, I’ll set foot on German soil again, inquisitive where life is going to take me in the next decade.